Nearly one year later and..........

Okay, so it has been almost one year since the last post. So much has happened. Mostly, Mama died September 21st in the early morning hours. I thought I was so prepared for her death. I thought I was ready. I thought I knew everything. Nope.
It was, and continues to be a continuous learning process. I am learning more about myself and my sisters and the world around me.

For the last year, I have been in a fog. And truthfully, I cannot believe it's been almost a year since her death. It seems like forever that she's been gone and then again, it seems like yesterday I was with her. For the year and a half before she died, my sister and I took care of her. We were at her side almost 24/7. When we couldn't be there (which was very rare), she either had a sitter, or she was in respite care at the hospice facility. Oh yeah, occasionally........VERY occasionally, and I mean very occasionally, a sister would help out.

That said, it is been one hell of a year! Time flies even when you are NOT having fun. I can surely attest to that. I am trying to move forward now. I have learned from her death so many things. I have learned, we cannot live in the past. I have learned NOT to put off anything that you really want to do. Before you know it, our time here on earth is done and I don't want to die with regrets. I've learned to be a little more patient. I've learned that I have to remember to take time for ME. I have learned so much. And I'll continue to post as I can. Hopefully, I won't wait another year between posts!

The "gloves" come off!!

You know that a crisis is supposed to bring out the "best" in people. NOT in my family. Instead, the gloves come off and we just can't seem to rise to the occasion. Our horns sprout from our heads and the fangs drop down from our mouth and our TRUE side emerges.

My mother is in late stage cancer. I have 3 sisters. One lives 3 hours' drive away. One lives 35 minutes' drive away, as do I. And, the third one lives 2 doors down. You might imagine who just can't be bothered.

I must admit that growing up, we did not have a perfect childhood. It wasn't one of those 'television style' homes. But my mother took good care of us and we never starved, and we went to bed clean each night. I think that because as we've always heard about how the roles change and reverse, the child becomes the parent and vice versa. IT IS SO TRUE!!!

I've been seeing a therapist for some time now in order to deal with the impending loss of my mother. If I hadn't, I am certain I would have jumped off of a VERY tall building before now. More tomorrow.......I'm so exhausted, my eyes are crossing!